ProveMeWrongThen//``
ProveMeWrongThen//``
ProveMeWrongThen//``
ProveMeWrongThen//``
ProveMeWrongThen//``
ProveMeWrongThen//``
ProveMeWrongThen//``
we quarelled again. everyday without fail. this time, its about a few msges to dd. his attitude to me is like shit again. now, he cant tolerate my talkings anymore. whenever i say anything that is unpleasant to his ears. he will get frustrated already. then how i talk to him. i duno already.
in the morning, he already was like tired and sian. later he showed a very bad image of himself. i just want my frens to like him too, t have fun tgt, so that we can go out tgt. and that i can have a balance of frens and him. but each and everytime, he destroys his chances.
i dun understand why. i duno ler.
maybe i should let him go. let him be free to whatever he was like in the past. i realised i have changed too much of him. that he is not the same person anymore.
i duno whether the rain spoilt my mood. or is it you. or maybe i realise i dun love u anymore? or what?
but i still love him alot.
and im known to be sia-lan.
and cocky.
daddy brought his wife home. ate pretty lil thing. quiet.
and he complained abt the phone usage again. which is like...
hope yy is okayy. maybe i just hafta understand her plight. but things may go out of control somtimes..as in the team might brkdwn if things go like this.
i shall keep all my comments to myself.
im sad.
i had qte a cuople of eventful days the past weeks, national day hols.
had flag day thou i din wear red shirt. im smth like holland's national day lar. i was paired with neetha who obviously dont give a hoot abt me. so i was with jh and sara. was dum. jeannette and bao's tin was heavy lar. so enthu pls. i had fun with jh that day, i rmbred. later that day i went town with yanyi bel and dory. plus ben lar. he trooped along later on. we went to watch dragon tiger gate. was nice.
the next day. i went out the whole day again. i forget where. oh yar. went to funan first. then pasir ris park with ben till 6pm. ok. tt was out of the blue lar. we walked a long way till we found a nice spot and zzz.
had sch today. went back for PW meting and geog. completed the outline. junru aint here again. jh stayed with me the whole day. just becoz of his laptop. helped alot. got his voice too. like his project having mine. lol.
i think its going way too _______. nvm. forget it. just that was eelen told me, its bothering me now. just now i had a talk with dory. she said his ex is that kinda sweet sweet type. yar..maybe tts why pple think im the 3rd party.
things are still the same. not much progress with ben, but more with jh. hahs. ironic eh?
ok. some things i duno whether to mention here. maybe coz im tired. or its just becoz my blog's been violated before.
he betrayed my trust in him. he saw the links on wed but i din change it. seriously, i regretted in placing too much trust in him. it makes me feel that im too naive, too stupid, too gullible to have actually believe that he aint gonna try. he really made me feel like am the biggest fool on earth. to have even let my guard down on him.
i thought i told myself to not drown in his love once more. to protect myself, to not be hurt once more. but i let my guard dwn on him. after the brkup, i tot i knew how to protect myself already. i was wrong abt this..so wad happen ytd nite, i was hurt, cried, yelled at him, was madly angry. in the end i learnt frm it.
frm now on, i swear that i will be goddamn wary of him.
i will nvr explain to him abt this. coz he doesnt deserve it. and he deserve it, crying all nite. brought it upon himself. yes, i do love him, but ytd nite, i hated him to the core. he destroyed everything. he doesnt noe how much this blog means to me. how i pour all my thoughts in here. after he fcuking brokeup with me, i have treated this blog as my diary, my personal space. now i feel fcuking violated. inside out. everything. and he is the one who is behind all my internal struggles. i set up the blog was becoz of u, most of the content was my very very private thoughts, my inside, my soul. and u ripped everything out just becoz u claimed u miss me.
i feel damn wasted now, as in i am damn unhappy, and i wan to do smth back to him. violate his space too. make him feel wad i feel now. it aint fair to me when i love u so much.
so wad if i mentioned junhao in my blog. so wad? its becoz we were having too much problems tt i turned towards him for abit. yes, i admit, i did waver for awhile. but i was intent on loving u the way i always have. but the thing u did, made me realise i should not love u too much frm now on.
i will make u build everything up. frm scratch. frm the bottom. to get back wad u want. i cant always forgive u easily everytime u fcuking make a mistake.
and when the moment i knew he knew, i went crazy. switched off hp and went online to change the link immediately. that was lke 2am ytd morning. later i still fcking remain on the fone with him.
the truth is, thou i went out with him. i did not forgive him at all. yes, i can give us another chance, but that doesnt mean that i forgave him on this incident. he is just fcuking showing no respect for me. at all. and how do i love someone who doesnt respect me? i still haven forgive u, ur still on probation pls. show me smth.
this time, u committed a crime. against me. against ur morals. against our love. lets see how u repair it.
so whose happiness is more of an importance now? in the past it was urs.
oh. and not to mention. i definitely had a weird dream of me and junhao. it was horrible. but one thing was the same. i shivered uncontrollably with him too.
the call just now. i knew it was not u. because he was gentler. much softer in his ow way of waking me up. tts why it worked..
now, things took a twist. im more turned towards him ler. i dont want things to be lykdis.
i will turn things back.
have been sitting here since 9pm reason being me and dory leave this project till the last minute. but we cant be blamed lar. too much hmwk and commitments outside that we had to stay up this late to finish it.
tmr is the dry run with Mao and i hope he doenst flare up at both of us. coz i think both of us are really exausted already.
anw. junhao asked me to for lakehse 3 times already. rejected in a subtle manner. coz i din wan to be thought to be a bitch, playing hardtget. well...he's a nice guy. easy to get along. and is an ass. =DD
was kept busy the whole weekend. met up with dory for the hist readings. lucky we did. or else...
went to watch Lady in the Water with boy, was nice show. i like the parts how the lead finds his roles on the movie to help the Lady to escape. and i was blardy afraid of that creature in the movie.
training wit Wolfpaks today. was fun. but stil, im unhappy abt the same old thing. no improements at all. i think rugby has become smth like ' all talk no action'...sounds familier eh?
- student council lar...duH =/.
also, i had a fierce quarrel. another one. its on joce bdae. he left when i asked him to wait there. he left to the atrium. somehow i can guess he went there to catch me in action with Kylie. but kyle was at the entrance of library after all. =D he looks good lar.
ok. back to the quarrel. he seriously pissed me off. he signed into my acct when i told him not to. for goodness sake, i was sending many things to stanley. and when things were disrupted, imagine how furious i was. just think abt it.
oh yar. only xt and me turned up for joce bdae. another point here. i came all the way frm serg. and Qt said she was tired? well, go and die if u dun care. new frens huh? come on...such superficial acts again. XW? wad abt u? hahs. instead, pple like CC DS CK QE was there. their choir version of 'happy bdae' was farni.
ok. end. my eyes are sour.